04 June, 2017

Merit's First Birthday

On Merit's actual birthday, I was getting a chest CT scan and we thought I might be dying. So that was a sad day. Ugh, it hurts my heart when I think about how I didn't give her the attention that I wanted to on her first birthday!

Her Aunt Sierra and sweet little cousin Mae and my mom were here and that was a super special birthday treat.

Several days later, we got together with the Spring Chicks for a bigger celebration, and it was super adorable to see all those little girls together.

Merit is my spicy, feisty, sprite of a girl. She is cuddly and quick, light-as-a-feather, but strong enough that she can get her brothers to do whatever she wants them to do. She loves to eat, dance, bring chaos to any organized pile of laundry or stack of blocks, and smile her big toothy grin when everything is going her way.

Today I was holding Merit after one of her grumpy screaming fits, and I said to Steven and Gage, "As long she has exactly what she wants, she's completely comfortable, and there is no noise, she's happy." Ha.

When she was born, I had trouble bonding with her. I prayed and prayed for that deliciously thick love that makes my heart feel like it will burst. I wanted the heaviness of deep devotion and attachment, and it took a while with postpartum depression coming and going, and then of course that newborn baby fog that comes to every new mom. If only I'd known then that I was just a couple of months away from feeling that thick love every single day. Not all day, not a dozen times a day, but at least once every single day, my heart sings with absolute delight and I feel that perfect love that I craved so badly.

I love this princess. The lights in her eyes dance and spark, she is filled with purpose and determination, and she will always make herself heard. Which I adore.

Thanks for being my girl, Merit.

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