03 March, 2017
Kjel took these on Wednesday when I was feeling seriously yucky. IC is weird. I'll go months feeling pretty normal then all of a sudden, with no real indication as to why, I'll feel awful. My bladder will just start hurting all the time, I get so nauseated, and I get chills and fevers and so achy all over.
This was not a fun day, physically, but my kids sure were snuggly and sweet.
That night was Steven's team dinner. We took them out to the Cheesecake Factory, which is not my favorite place on planet earth, but it wasn't very crowded and the music wasn't super loud, so it was completely tolerable :). I tried so hard to be energetic and outgoing, but I just wanted to climb in bed. I felt so dumb because every comment I made was too quiet so I had to keep speaking up, but then I wasn't saying anything very witty or interesting, so I just felt like an idiot.
Steven is sweet. He told me I just seemed refined - not unintelligent and boring. But I think he may have had his rose-colored glasses on, because I am shuddering even now at some of the stupid things I said, trying to seem excited to be there.
My friend told me that Julie B. Beck once said, "You don't have to feel good to be effective," or something like that.
Isn't that comforting?
These are good days, though. When I feel down in the dumps physically. I am a jungle-gym for my kids, I give in to their requests for shows and "easy food" and pajama days. And no one knows except my poor mailman, who I am certain is wondering if there are two separate women living here: the one who is energetic and done up and busy and running to and fro, and the woman who is in her husband's clothes, staggering around like an 80-year-old woman.
No, it's not that bad. I hope. But it is a little embarrassing to be like, "Yep, it's three in the afternoon and I have been lying on my couch in a dirty quilt."
Still. Life is so good. Even with a "hole-y" bladder. ;)