Oh my heck.
Welcome back to my blog, public! I am un-privating this blog because I have important things to say.
The first is a story of something horrid that happened to me tonight.
I was nursing Merit around eight in her room, rocking in the rocking chair and reading my friend Jen's blog on my phone. The light was off, white noise was on, Merit was juuuuust about asleep. When all of a sudden, I heard the buzz-whirrrr of a stink bug.
"Please don't land on me, please don't land on me."
It did. It flew down my shirt.
I screamed and jumped, woke Merit up, scooped it out and threw it across the room. Bam.
Not five seconds later, IT WAS BACK! IN MY FACE!
I screamed again, swatted at it again, tried really hard not to squish it because they apparently spray you if you squish them.
THEN it flew into Merit's face, she yelped. I screamed. It flew BACK down my shirt.
I screamed again.
I opened the door and frantically heaved myself around with Merit in one arm. Finally it flew out from my shirt and landed on the floor.
Only too bad for me, because now Merit was wide awake and thought it was just hilarious. She was giggling and smiling and I was starting to see the humor. I was also starting to smell something.
Something super weird.
Something all over my chest, face, and hand.
Stink bug goo.
So I used a wipe and scoured myself until I was sure the smell was gone. Wrapped Merit back up, nursed some more, laid her down.
TOOK A BOILING HOT SHOWER.
Coated myself in soap.
Dried off, heard Merit crying, put her back to bed.
And smelled myself. And I still stink.
And then! Then! Then I decided to research stink bugs on the internet. And was horrified to discover that female stink bugs can lay FOUR HUNDRED eggs in their lifetime! HOW MANY EGGS ARE LAYING AROUND MY HOUSE?!
And the internet says that stink bug goo smells like coriander.
I took a break from all of this to quickly eat a salad because I forgot to eat dinner. And what was in my salad, you ask?
Cabbage, carrots, lettuce, and... coriander.