11 October, 2016

A Perfect Mom (for one day)

Do you like that cute print? I made it! Email me if you want the PDF. The next time I get a freebie from shutter fly I'm gonna print that sucker and get it framed for my family room ;).

On Sunday night while Steven and I were talking about the upcoming week, I felt this deep desire to be the mom that Gage needs. Lately, it's been a struggle to enjoy spending time with him (I know that sounds harsh, but it's true). He's just been very, very moody lately, and I've felt like no matter how much attention I give him, it's never enough. And the thing is, there are three other kids - one of which is an actual infant and her life depends on me. So I can't give him all of my undivided attention, always. I started reading The 5 Love Languages of Children and it was giving me anxiety. I know that Gage's love language is quality time, but I have nothing more to give!! 

So Sunday night I prayed intensely that I could be a perfect mom on Monday. 

And I was! 

Please don't think I'm bragging, I'm not. It was grace. And it was absolutely, amazingly wonderful. I woke up so happy and so determined to give everything I could to my family. It was not a perfect day, but I feel like every time conflict could have arisen, I somehow had a moment to think a little more about how to react. Time like slowed down for me, and I was able to think through it and calmly respond with love, firmness at times, but also love. I was also bursting with energy!

A universal truth about mothering small children, is that you have to stay ahead of them energy-wise, or they will mutinize and you are doomed to a day of trying to catch up with them. When I have more energy than my kids, I am in charge. When they have more energy than me, and I start to lag, all heck breaks loose. That is why we call 4:00 PM "witching hour". My energy drops, their somehow peaks, and it USED to be awful. Now though, I have a protocol. Want to know what it is? Sometimes I'll do a post about it. 

Anyway, that was a tangent. Back to Gage. I filled his bucket all day long with everything he needed and I didn't have to neglect everything else to do it. It was really, truly amazing. Grace is so real. I enjoyed, nay, delighted in the time I spent with him. I feel like that one great day made up for all the poopy moments of the last few weeks. What a gift! 

Today (Tuesday) was a pretty good day, except that I woke up with a headache and by this afternoon it was an out-of-control migraine. I was happy and loving to my kids, but my energy really lagged and I didn't feel submerged in deep, maternal, blissful love for my life and my kids. Yes, maybe I was expecting too much, but I do wish I could have felt today the way I felt yesterday. 

Sister Beck says to not focus on perfection, but precision. 

Maybe that's why Monday was blissful. 

I hope I have another Monday soon. 

I'm meeting with a neurologist right after Thanksgiving. Maybe he can give my brain the memo to chill out and stop making me throw up and go half-blind. Boo hoo for me. 

Life is so good, though. Even with migraines and long nights and early mornings and everything in between. 

This picture makes me laugh. Will had just woken up from his nap and was crying because "Me-t soooooo coot! I wuv sooooo much!" I LOVE being a mom! Especially to these babies.

1 comment:

  1. Loved everything about this post. So glad you areally back to blogging Brooke!


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