02 April, 2015

Tonight I Was Perfect

Steven had to work late and I accepted the assignment I was given: to spend the afternoon making my kids happy and productive. To spend the evening preparing them for a restful night, to help them remember Heavenly Father, and to learn routine. To spend the night putting them back in their beds after they snuck down (twelve times).

Will is cutting his first molar. Holy hanna, this child. He has been literally the perfect (day) baby - nights are still an issue for this thirteen-month-old. BUT I'll take it! He is all smiles and snuggles and very independent during the day. Except not today. Or yesterday. He has ne
eded me all. day. long. While I was mopping the floor, he was literally clinging to my leg, his feet on my foot, riding across the living room. Probably a funny sight to whatever guardian angels were hanging out with us today.

He cried all afternoon. (While I tried to keep him happy - he's heavy, but I carried him anyway - I made/fed dinner to the kids, ate like five huge mouthfuls myself, cleaned the floors and vacuumed, cleaned the play room, cleaned the upstairs, AND got the older two completely ready for bed INCLUDING coating KJ in coconut oil (her eczema is off the charts these days. Coating her in cream is her personal hell, so that was not fun)). (Go Brooke.)

He cried all evening.

He cried all through scriptures, song, and prayer.

He cried up until the second I stuffed the kids (gently) in their room with books and blankets and bribed them with Easter Bunny brownie points if they didn't come out while I was putting Will down. I held him close, nursed him and told him how special he is and how much I love him. He fell asleep quickly and I laid him down and pushed his sweaty little curls out of his face and pulled the blanket around his chin.

Next came the older two. KJ has taken to sleeping in her pack and play right next to her lower bunk in Gage's room. No idea why. Tonight was no exception. I read the kids a couple of books, sang a few songs, turned out the lights, kissed them, realized they hadn't brushed teeth but accepted it as a necessary sacrifice for all things to keep running smoothly.

I closed the door.

They came down. Took them up. Repeat eleven times.

I was trying to get things done. I was trying to get laundry started, to get Easter baskets filled, to get Will's revolting high chair free of all of the smushed, unidentifiable remnants of dinner, to get church things done, to get maybe a moment or two of "me" time. Aaaaaand of course, I couldn't. Not when two little monkeys were escaping every five seconds.

It was funny. I laughed out loud a couple of times. Their bewildered faces when I'd be waiting outside of their door because I heard the floor creak and snuck upstairs before they realized it. It was cute. Gage was afraid and didn't want to admit it, but he totally was. It was sweet. KJ wanted one more kiss. It was annoyingly silly and weird and tiring and I didn't get upset.

I was the picture of calm.

Tonight I was perfect.

Grace, my friends. It is grace. I am trying to let it take over my life. I'm trying to stop blocking the Savior's grace from my life and I think I'm getting somewhere. Or He's taking me somewhere.

Because even though I ended up with an awful headache, lonely (I miss Steven when he works late), tired and with a messy, messy kitchen and a load of laundry that will probably never leave the washer… I felt peace.

So maybe I wasn't perfect. Maybe He is perfect and He was here. And that made tonight perfect.

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