01 April, 2015

Of An Empty Fridge

Last week Steven and I were talking about budgets and I said something like, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been trying to only go to the store once a week. So by shopping day our fridge is pretty much completely empty."

He said, "Actually, I have definitely noticed. Does it make you feel good that I trust you so much that I don't mind?"

I didn't imagine conversations like these when I was a girl, imagining my future life. I always wanted to be a wife and mother, and imagined it all the time. I thought we'd only ever bear our intense devotion to each other. I thought that devotion was romantic poems, not conversations about empty fridges.

It made me feel really proud of the man I married. It made me feel really loved.

So many times I, with my type-A-sometimes-too-controlling personality, try to tell Steven how to be our protector/provider. Sometimes I complain or at least make him aware that I'm aware of something that isn't perfect. Oh, I wish I didn't do that.

Steven's never once complained about my letting our groceries dwindle to a few stray shriveled carrots and a teensy slosh of almond milk. I thought he just hadn't noticed. But he had noticed, and he made the conscious decision to trust me.

We are two emotional people who have gone through the ringer when it comes to trials. Yeah, yeah, if you think I'm exaggerating, you don't know us very well. We've lived intensely, it's like, our married life has felt like one long race with lots of hurdles. There are so many moments of good, sweet, wonderful -- but there's a lot of intensity and adrenaline and survival-mode.

I can't wait to get to a place where there is calm. Where there is simple trust. Where there is complete confidence. I know it's around the bend, because we are both fighting for it.

I love my husband. I adore him. He's the best human I know.

I want to be more like him in our marriage.

I will be more like him in our marriage.

1 comment:

  1. He is a hero of mine, also! Feel so proud that he is a son. And not only because he stood with me (us - all my sons) on the summit of Mt. Whitney. (14,500') That he did is the source of a great memory for me, but, . . . . . so grateful that he is simply, "who he is"! And that he takes such good care of you, and cherishes you like Mom and I do! Dad

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