29 July, 2014
I met a woman a couple of months ago who completely changed my life.
She told me about how she had nearly died the year before and is the mother of eight children. She lived (obviously), but spent many months sure that she was going to die very soon. She told me that it changed the way she lived in many ways, but mostly in the kind of mother she became.
"When my kids asked if we could have chicken for dinner, I was like, 'Sure!' What's chicken in the overall scheme of things? When my son wanted a cow for his birthday we got him two calves and he was so happy."
She said lots of other things, but the chicken thing stuck out to me. Why say no when I can say yes? I find myself trying to control so much with my kids. Why, though? I mean, really? I think I try to control them so much because I am so afraid of not being respected and seen as a figure to be looked up to and obeyed. But in reality, saying no to so much only makes them sad. And it doesn't glean respect, just fear and annoyance.
Anyway, something clicked in me after that conversation. The one about chicken. And I feel like my whole family is different for the better. I'm more fun. I'm more magical! I want to be a magical mom. Do you know what I mean? I find myself on the floor, crawling around more. I actually keep the kids up later so that I can read to them after a hectic day, rather than hurrying and getting them to bed as quickly as possible. I listen to them and look at them when they talk to me.
Not perfect, they can attest to that. But I'm trying and I'm aware and it's made all the difference.
When I was a little girl, my world was full of magic. No building was just a building. It was a dungeon or a castle or a rocket ship. Gage and KJ are the same way (Will, I'm sure, has no clue what a dungeon is yet, but someday). I have found myself jumping back into that world. Into a place where magic is real. It's insane and beautiful and weird and wonderful. It's like, "Oh hey, everything magical! Did you miss me?"
And when I'm surrounded by the glitter of imagination, all I can think to myself is, "Say yes, Brooke. Keep saying yes."