25 May, 2013

The Monsters




Apparently it's monster season as Gage's imaginary monsters have been wreaking havoc everywhere, constantly. Have I not written about Gage's monsters on here? Oh boy. Lemme tell ya.

Here are the facts:

There are at least four of them
They are tiny - like they could fit in your hand
They are mostly boys, I've heard mention of at least one girl, maybe two
They taste good when you eat them with jelly
They are the naughtiest beings ever
They live in the walls.... 
I'm a little freaked out right now. 

A typical conversation about the monsters goes something like this (oh, and by the way, I have a conversation like this at least three times a day):

(KJ cries)
Me: Gage, did you hit your sister?
Gage: Nope. My monsters did.
Me: (examine KJ, find she has indeed been smacked) Gage, you need to go to time-out. We don't hit our sister.
Gage: But I didn't hit her. My monsters did.
Me: How did they hit her? They are so small. Their little hands wouldn't even hurt her.
Gage: Well, they didn't hit her. They bit her with their little teeth and pinched her with their teeny claws.
Me: I don't see any bite or claw marks on her. Just a red spot where she was hit.
Gage: Oh. They helped each-uhver pick up that toy and hit her with it. I saw it. (To the monsters) Monsters, be good. Stop hurting Kjel.
Me: Fine.
(A few minutes later KJ cries again)
Me: GAGE. STOP HURTING YOUR SISTER.
Gage: I DIDN'T! IT WAS MY MONSTERS!
Me: Gage.
Gage: Mommy. Put them in time-out.
Me: Monsters, go to time-out.
Gage: Oh no, Mommy! They're escaping!
Me: That's it. Monsters, out. You are not allowed in this house right now.
(A few minutes later KJ cries again)
Me: GAGE HARRISON REDFERN!
Gage: Mom. The monsters snuck in through the garage. They are hiding over there, hitting Kjel, trying to get me in trouble.
Me: Gage, I know that it's you. Your monsters are pretend. (his face falls and he starts to cry). Okay, okay. Monsters, I am putting you on a rocket ship that will take you to outer space, you can't come back for three weeks. (pretends to load them into pretend rocket ship)
(Peace and quiet)
(A few minutes later KJ cries again)
Me: GAGE!
Gage: They came back! They flew in on monster parachutes!

Et.cet.er.a.

And I sometimes wonder if I'm going about it all wrong. Should I denounce their existence? That's rhetorical, don't tell me. Let me figure this out.

In the meantime, future Gage:

I can't tell you this now, or I would be pretty much condoning violent acts against your sister.... but. I'm starting to like your monsters. A little.

8 comments:

  1. I can't help but laugh. I am sorry, but this is hysterical. Boys, oh the love of boys! :)

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    1. It is SO hard not to laugh when the monsters come around. Sometimes I have to step into another room, laugh, then come back so he doesn't know ;)

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  2. Yes, this made my day! So funny! With my daughter it was Santa Clause- haha, Gage cracks me up!

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    Replies
    1. I love that she chose Santa! So cute!

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  3. Hilarious! What a great imagination he has! Love that boy...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Yep, you know it. His imagination is all over the place ;)

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