When I opened our bedroom closet to hang up clean clothes today, I felt a pulsing thrill that I've never felt before.
This is our closet. Me and Steven's.
That spot in the middle where his clothes meet mine and they kind of intermingle with each other - his button-ups mixed with my cardigans - I am so lucky. I got butterflies in my stomach and goosebumps on my arms. Feeling so emotional over a closet? Huh? And then I set the clothes down and closed my eyes and let myself think.
Every day that our clothes stay in that closet is one more day of success. Every minute, hour, day, week, month, year that we stay together and in love, we are beating statistics and averages and expectations. I don't think that forever means what it used to. That's one of the reasons that Steven was the one for me. He and I see forever the same way - 'until there's no until'. We aren't bound to each other only by a marriage certificate or even the sealing that was so very sacred and special. We're bound to each other because we love, forgive and respect each other.
And the truth is, there have been
many several times in the past five years when I've been a straight up brat. We've slammed doors and endured icy silence and cried and shut down. Marriage is hard. Love is hard. But I've discovered that Steven Harrison Redfern is worth every second of difficulty and heartache - both inevitibilities in a relationship between two imperfect people.
I want to make him happy more than anything else in the world. And no one else comes close to making me feel the way he makes me feel. I am myself in every way with him. I am my best and my worst and he loves me at both extremes.
"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear." - Oscar Wilde