29 March, 2013

To Share

Idaho, 2011

I was shocked when I read this and didn't immediately agree:

"I have learned that now that while those who speak about one's miseries hurt, those who keep silence hurt more." - CS Lewis

I read it right before bed and fell asleep kind of disgruntled, thinking about it. It was still on my mind when I woke up. Who doesn't agree with CS Lewis? What kind of person am I?

I was picking up Gage from joy school when this song came on in the car (we have six different disks on shuffle, so you never know what you're going to get). 

"Just keep your head above."

You know what? I had an epiphany. I thought about the trials that I've elected to talk about with others, write about, blog about, all that. Those things hurt. Talking about them helped me heal from them - partially because I believe in the power of communication. But also in talking about them, I found community and fellowship with others who had gone through similar things. Sharing my story was an integral part of my healing process.

And then I thought about the trials that I've kept private. And you know what? They still hurt. While the ones I've shared with others don't really prick or sting any more.

I came to this conclusion - CS Lewis is right. It is far more painful to bear burdens all alone than to share with others who will help you carry them. It's easier to keep them all tied up in a little knot in the middle of your heart where no one will find them. And maybe it's important to do that for a while - hold onto the trials or pain or whatever and feel them and ponder and grow. And when it's time, I think it's important to tell your story and find your people and offer strength as it's offered to you.

My sister-in-law wrote this post recently and I thought how fitting

You never know what magic will spark when you share a bit of your pain with someone else. Healing, camaraderie, friendship. Whoa, in fact, I think there's another CS Lewis quote about that:

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

What an insightful person. Seriously. I'd love to have a long talk with CS Lewis on a Sunday at my kitchen table. 

6 comments:

  1. Well written, Brooke. I'm thankful for family and friends who have lifted me and wrapped their arms around me in times of need. And when they haven't been able to I'm thankful for the Savior who did so for them. What great perspective.

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    1. I love your thoughts on this, Kati! Thanks for sharing them!

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  2. I agree and disagree. (Not that your sufferings in silence are greater than those written. Or to discredit anyone else who suffers.) My dad fought in Vietnam, never speaks of what he saw or what he endured. He was given the opportunity to receive a college education, but turned it down, telling his father to use the money for my dad's younger siblings. Anyway, one night after a couple of few drinks with my husbands very dear friend (also in the Airforce), my dad mentioned several stories about things that happened during Vietnam. Later, our friend remarked, "The ones that see the most don't talk about it. The ones that constantly flap their mouths saw nothing." I think this is another take on Lewis' quote. Similar to the old adage "still water runs deep." But I do agree. :) Very well written and perfectly put... I wish I could talk about trials and such more easily. Sometimes I wish I could write about them under a pseudonym... :) I hate that look of pity... Oh well.

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    1. I want to change the wording... I do not disagree with you, rather want to add the fact that sometimes people who blow the most smoke are in fact just blowing smoke, like they are trying to show all they have endured for their own sake not to seek help or help others. Make sense? I mean no disrespect toward what you have gone through. (See? Guilty complex.) Sometimes I just feel like people look at those who seem cheerful as people who have not or do not have difficulties and hardships... I don't know. I'm signing off now, because I feel like I"m just digging deeper... also, I just heard one of my children yell, "bombs away!" And that is never a good thing...

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    2. Definitely. I didn't even think to interpret the quote that way, but that totally makes sense to me. :)

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    3. Oops, Brooke, not Steve ;)

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