11 March, 2013

That Dirty Little Thief

Via
So last week was just horrible. Physically, bleh. Mentally, meh. Spiritually, pouty face. Emotionally, train wreck! Low point. Low point.

I said so many times to Steven, "I promise I'm trying to get out of this rut."

And I was trying! Oh my heck, was I trying. 

And then Friday night while I was lamenting the death of my favorite frame ever that was shattered into a million pieces (so actually like five) by Gage who had the audacity to laugh when it broke (imagine that. Darn three-year-old).... it started to dawn on me:

I was feeling miserable all week because I'd been comparing myself to others all week (and I also had the stomach flu, but that only accounted for the physical downer). 

Like...
That blogger who goes camping with her husband like every weekend and wears flannel shirts and slouchy hats and looks so infatuated with her spouse. Why aren't you spending more time outside Brooke (well, it is winter in upstate NY, so...) Why aren't you more lovey-dovey, Brooke? Why don't you look cute enough to take a million self portraits and post them on the internet while camping

Or the mom who made paint for her kids and let them paint murals on the shower walls then said it was easy clean up because she already wipes the shower down with bleach every couple days so no biggie. Every couple days? Try every third year. Why don't you clean your shower more, Brooke? Why aren't you making paint? What kind of mother are you?!

Or my city-dwelling twin who has like 80,000 blog followers and documents the most boring stuff ever and still has a huge reader base and is considered a reputable writer? Why haven't you become a real writer yet, Brooke? When are you going to follow that dream, Brooke? Probably never, you lazy under-achiever! And why should you anyway? You'll fail. And you'll take away from time you should be spending on other things.

Why don't you have more energy, Brooke? Why don't you teach Gage his letters and numbers more often, Brooke? Why aren't you prettier, Brooke? Why don't you make fruit roll-ups from scratch, Brooke? Why don't you have ombre'd hair, Brooke? Why are your legs so hairy, Brooke? Why don't you make more friends, Brooke? Why don't you save more money, Brooke? Huh? Why Why Why Why WHY?!

GET OUT OF MY HEAD, MEAN BROOKE! I DON'T LIKE YOU!

Holy freakin' shnikies! Now that you've had an in-depth and probably way too personal glimpse into my mental state, please don't judge me or shower me with pity. I might be making a huge leap here, but don't you do this too? At least, to a certain degree? I am so tired of berating myself. It is seriously the downward spiral of doom. Comparison is so sneaky that I don't even realize I'm doing it until I'm completely habited.

You know, I guess what it comes down to is that I had this thought so many times over that horrid week:

You are just not enough.

Ugh! What a sad thought! Because the truth is, I am enough. I am more than enough. So maybe I don't make 3D pb&j sandwich sculpture for my son's lunch. Maybe I wore the same outfit three days in a row. Yeah, so what? I am adequate. My kids love me. My husband thinks I'm awesome. I try to do the right things every day. I try to make the people around me happy. And that is enough. It always has been.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

That dirty little thief.

7 comments:

  1. I have several thoughts for you..

    1. We all got the flu thurs, fri, and sat, plus I have a cold on top of that. I know exactly how you feel when it comes to being physically exhausted. I'm drained. Today I'm finally feeling a little better. Thank heavens!
    2. I have never once wiped my bath or shower down with bleach. Other cleaning products yes, but very rarely. I hate, hate doing it. And I especially hate doing it when I have to clean poop and throw up off every. single. toy. Did that the other night.
    3. You are such a great writer. No pressure, but I do hope you write a book someday.
    4. Why are your legs so hairy? I cracked up reading that!
    5. I love you! I love reading your blog. Can't wait to come visit y'all!

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  2. Whitney, you made me laugh out loud. GOOD QUESTION! Umm... no good answer though. Why ARE they so hairy?! I just run out of time in the shower. You know.

    ANYWAY! thanks for the sweet comment. I'm glad you guys are feeling better. We are too. And thanks for not cleaning out your shower too often. You do know how to cheer me up ;)

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  3. Oh goodness- this post was waaaaaay too easy to relate to! I am so talented at comparing myself to others, it is frustrating. You are right- it probably is reflected when I feel my lowest.
    And my shower. I learned yesterday it was white, not off-whitish-yellow-pink. But white. When it was clean instead of feeling proud of myself, I thought, "Man I let my kids bathe in this. Gross. I am disgusting." haha. AND you ARE a great writer.

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  4. Ha! FYI I find your blog one of the few I go to daily.
    I've had similar thoughts hourly.... Minutely?
    I rarely actually clean the shower but do spray with tilex until the fumes get to my brain, which might explain a lot.
    Keep pushing forward. You're doing beautifully. :)

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  5. I will not tell you the last time I cleaned my shower or shaved my legs.
    Love you and every single blog post. Keep 'em coming!!

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  6. o.m.g. AMEN! I totally know what you mean!!! This is one of my biggest weaknesses (comparing myself to others) and brings me the most grief and stress! I am so glad I am not the only one! Now I just need to figure out how to quit doing it... ;)

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  7. p.s. I agree so much in fact, I wrote a very similar post a year ago! haha! (http://richennaclan.blogspot.com/2012/01/day-18-lies.html)

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