I woke up with a broken heart.
I know lots and lots of women carry their babies for weeks after they're officially "due", but my doctor, whom I trust very, very much, felt strongly that we should set the induction date for today at 11:00 AM. So many, many prayers were said that I would go into labor on my own to avoid having to use medical intervention to get little baby girl here, but alas, it doesn't look like I'm going to get there quite on my own.
As of yesterday, I was at a 4, almost completely effaced, contracting about every ten minutes. I went to sleep at about 11:30, and woke up without any contractions.
I so badly wanted this birth to be what I had pictured; actually, I had written the whole thing down in novel format. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. At the hospital, I wanted to labor in the tub for as long as possible. I wanted lots of things, but then I realized how selfish I'm being.
I am about to deliver a healthy, beautiful baby in a hospital that offers excellent care, with the doctor that not only delivered Gage, but has helped me through the biggest medical trial of my life armed with years and years of medical knowledge and the kind of inspiration that I know only comes from Heavenly Father.
I am in really, really good hands. I have the best labor coach anyone could ever ask for: Steven is just as, if not more prepared for birth than I am. He is already focused this morning, ready to take on the world. I love him so much.
I have the sweetest mom, ever. I wish every child in the world could be hers, because she is the epitome of Christlike love and sacrifice. She'll be there at the beginning and the end, fighting for my wishes to come true regarding how I and the baby are handled. She is amazing.
I am still going to do this without an epidural. I know it's going to be hard, I'm hoping that I can put to use everything that I have learned both in practice and from study over the past year and remember that labor does not have to painful. And even if it is, I have handled pain. I'm not scared of it.
But I'd still really appreciate prayers and thoughts of encouragement. You know what, texts would be awesome too. I operate well under praise :) If you need my phone number, send me an email and someone will send it to you. Is that kind of weird that I'm asking you to text me thoughts of encouragement? Haha, don't judge me! My email address is email@example.com.
Thanks for all of the support throughout the past nine months, and all of the support before that. Even though we have only been waiting for this baby for a couple of years at most, it feels like so much longer. We are going to meet her in only a few hours; it's surreal.